Mon11202017

LAST_UPDATESun, 19 Nov 2017 10pm

What Really Happens On Tinder Dates - Confessions Of Horror Stories By Female Users

No one ever said that finding the perfect mate was easy, but the Internet has put almost every single person in your locality at your fingertips. Even a few years ago, Internet dating meant tethering yourself to your computer. Thanks to mobile devices and location-sensing apps, however, the whole world has become your playground for dates, hookups and long-term relationships.

Tinder blazed the trail, set by Grindr, toward a new generation of swipe and scroll dating apps for the mobile set. In theory, you're not supposed to make shallow, snap judgments about potential partners, but Tinder encourages you to do just that. You create a simple profile with a handful of photos and a few sentences about yourself, then throw yourself at the Internet's mercy. The app displays singles in your area. If you like one, swipe the photo to the right; otherwise, swipe to the left. If you and a match swipe right on each other, then you can send messages and set something up.

Malaysian Digest decided to get the insights from the ladies who have perused Tinder, from the very young, to the middle-aged woman, and as often as not, most of their interactions have become something of a horror love story. Here are their stories.

Playing And Paying - The Game Of Love

Natasha is a slender, model-looking 35-year-old Public Relations executive that has used Tinder and has since dated a foreigner who hated Asians (the irony, as she herself is one), a married couple looking for a threesome, and a Belgian guy who cheated her of her money, to name a few.

“I used Tinder, and got to meet good and bad dates - but mostly bad dates,” she declares.

“It's a hookup app, and I was looking for a relationship. I’d say 70-80 percent of guys there are looking for hookups, and forgive me for saying, they are mostly not good looking.

“Some of the good looking ones on the other hand want to hookup, with no strings attached. There’s also some with faceless profiles and only body parts, there are also lots of prostitutes and transvestites.

“One of my worst dates was this foreigner who blatantly spewed hatred on Chinese and Malays. He was plainly awful, and I sure won’t be going out with him.

“I did come across this profile of a married couple looking for threesome, and out of curiosity I swept right, and just as I was about to meet them, I chickened out and cancelled the meet.

“Lastly, there was this Belgian guy, we went for a bazaar event, and he needed RM50 to pay for something, so I gave him the money. We went to the bar after that, and by the end of the night, he said his credit card didn’t work, and can you believe it, at this party, he invited all his guy friends there. Until now, he has never paid me back.

“I’m not on any app right now, I’m done with it. And as a girl, it gets boring and also overwhelming with the messages I’ve received. I had 50 likes at one time, and one guy told me he wanted to get into my panties. I said no, and would like for us to get to know each other first. He said OK, but in the end, he just disappeared,” she said with a gist of wistfulness.

A Sexual Roller Coaster

Lisa is a freelance video editor currently trying to find a permanent job in the UK. She has had many encounters with the different men she met through the app, but now regrets using it.

“My stint on online dating sites lasted about a year after my relationship with a guy ended in 2013, and I was thru with monogamous relationships. I thought Tinder or OKCupid would be fun to try out, just to fool around,” she opens up to Malaysian Digest.

She confesses: “I've used the guys I met for everything, be it for company, free food and drinks, also for sex.

“Once on the app, I matched with a Frenchman who seemed nice enough, and he’s actually good looking. We went out for drinks, had a good conversation and we just clicked.

“One thing led to another, we went back to his place near Changkat and turns out that he lives in one of those apartments converted into hostels where people rent the rooms, which was pretty dire.

“It was an incredibly hot and humid night and he started sweating, and I swear he smelled foul that I wanted to barf! So, when he passed out as he was so drunk, I grabbed my shoes and tip toed out of his room and ran to the elevator and unmatched him.”

Recalling not knowing which is worse, from foul smell, she then had to deal with a cheater.

“I went out with this Canadian who was here on a business trip, he was just charming and perfect. Everything happened like I thought it would, and then he had to leave.

“Hours before he left, he sent me a message about how horrible he felt because he actually has a serious girlfriend back home, and somehow tried to pin the blame on me for seducing him, when I had zero knowledge about it,” she said.

Finally, wrapping things up on the app, she tells us, “The last guy I met on Tinder, I thought we could have had some kind of relationship, turns out he had a girlfriend for the last four years. So, he was cheating on her with me. He's a flight attendant so he ports in every ‘city’.”

“I know I had a stint as a gold digger or whore, if you will, for a year, but then I realised that's not who I am. I have too much pride.

“I was just in a bad place after a depressive meltdown in 2013. But all these experiences have made me more mature. At least now I know what I want,” says Lisa who is now happy in a stable relationship, and regrets the things she did when using the app.

Talking About Marriage On The First Date

Fathin, a beautiful half Egyptian, half Malaysian senior political analyst at a think-tank, had the shock of her life when on her first date with a guy she met on the app, was introduced to the whole family who opened up talks of their wedding date.

“I went out with this guy on Tinder once, and on the first date, he brought his mother, sister and brother. Out of the blue, he started talking about our wedding.

“Normally and perhaps of a different day, yes a girl would get excited at the prospect of marrying, but not on the first Tinder date,” she laughs.

“His mother asked me when they could meet my parents? I was like what…how could someone offer me marriage without even knowing how to spell my name!

“It's safe to say I blocked him in every way possible. I prefer to get to know someone, and then maybe later think about marriage down the road, but I’m not into hookups,” says the 26-year-old.

Bumping Into His Girlfriend

Little did a 25-year-old researcher with a consultant firm expect to encounter a furious girlfriend unbeknownst to her, on her date with the first guy she met on Tinder.

“I've been on Tinder for over a year now, and it's been mostly good. I've met some really great guys on it, but my horror story would be the first guy I met.

“It was our second date, and guess what? We ran into his girlfriend! That was awkward.

“She didn't acknowledge me but spoke to him and left. I only found out later on that she was actually his girlfriend,” she said adding, “Why can’t men be more classy, honest and truthful?”

Hooking Up With Someone Else’s Fiancé

22-year-old student, Cassandra, who is also working part-time as a barista admits how she felt guilty dating someone else’s fiancé, whom she met on Tinder.

“I met this guy who told me he was single, but turns out that he has a fiancé that was carrying his child. He basically lied to me. 

“A week after we went out, somebody added me, and it was his fiancé, asking me a lot of questions.

“I felt like a home wrecker knowing he was engaged to that person, and that I just did not ruin it for her, but for the child too. 

“When I confronted him, asking if he told her what happened, he told me, she just needed to know what she needed to know.

“It's a terrible situation to be in, I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who has a wife or girlfriend. That’s just against my principle,” she stressed.

Her word of warning to women out there: “Just be careful and be smart about using Tinder. It is a cheap, easy hookup thing for travellers, especially for foreigners, and so many girls don’t know this. I won’t be using it anytime in the future.”

A Concerned Parent Voices Out

Malaysian Digest got in touch with a mother who has given her 14-year-old daughter her own phone, is aware that she goes online, and knows of her ‘boyfriend’.

“As far as I know, my daughter has a boyfriend and I am OK with it. But I would definitely get worried if I found her to be on Tinder speaking to strangers that neither of us knew.

“But I am confident that she would do the right thing. I have taught her about ‘it’, shown her that whatever couples did in movies might have negative consequences, and remind her to always be careful.

“I also trust that she wouldn’t do that with her boyfriend. There might be mothers who would want to set up a Tinder account to see if their kids were there or block the app, but that seems unnecessary to me.

“As long as I’ve taught my daughter how to be careful, I know I can trust her with her decisions,” the mother expressed.

To Tinder, Or Not?

It is clearly easy for men to set up a date with a swipe of the finger, and for a women’s dream of a blossoming romance to be crushed on dating apps such as Tinder.

And while dating apps will not be going away anytime soon, at least for the ladies out there, now you know some of the stories that has come out, and are hopefully more aware of the consequences when using dating apps.

For single ladies who do want genuine relationships, if you need to resort to using dating apps, take the time to read the user’s profile, and best to see if you have mutual friends.

Also, here are some quick useful tips from NineGPS, should you accept that Tinder date:

1. Google the person before you meet him or her to see their digital footprint.
2. Always take your mobile phone on every date.
3. Make sure to leave the person’s name with a family member.
4. Have your own transport, in case something feels strange about the date.
5. Make sure you always meet the person in a public place.

On second thought, scrap all dating apps. The best thing you should do is, go find an honest, single man out there, and we can bet, he sure isn’t on Tinder.

mD