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LAST_UPDATETue, 21 Oct 2014 7am

Will Your Friend Backstab You?

The Illustration Picture OnlyThe Illustration Picture Only“Back stabbing”, “only when in difficulties they come running and when they are doing well, you don’t hear from them” and “taking advantage of kindness”.


These are common lamentation you hear when it comes to relationship whether it involves love affair, friendship or bond amongst family members.

Before we move on to our discussion on friendship and relationship with acquaintances and how some can turn sour no thanks to backstabbing, let us take a closer look on the definition of friends and close acquaintance first for this article’s sake.

Friends are those who have special interest in your well-being and are always there for you even if they don’t have blood relationship with you and gets your full trust (though your own brother, for example, can be more like buddies than just another family member...but that is another story for another day).

Meanwhile, close acquaintances are merely those who share similar interest, hobbies, and struggle for certain cause and others that does not Pic: shenoriekaPic: shenoriekareally go onto very personal level.

What do the experts say?

According to a lecturer specialising in communications from Institut Pengajian Tinggi Awam (IPTA), Dr. Mariah Ahmad, the current generation is more inclined to trust their friends more than their own parents.

“Take the youths these days. When they have issues with regards to their social life, they tend to turn to their friends to share their problem or to seek solution,” she said.

Mariah does not deny that youth these days, even when they have just started schooling, have the tendency to go out of their family comfort zone to share their interests, and share issues bugging them.

“Not all parents these days are as open minded as we think, and this is where their relationship with their children may, at times, lead to rifts in the household,” she added.

Nurul Amiera Ariff./Pic: AmieraNurul Amiera Ariff./Pic: AmieraConfession of a backstabbed friend

“To me, the difference between friend and enemy is simple. We are comfortable sharing our views and opinions with friends, while once you recognise your enemies, you just plain stay away from them,” said Nurul Amiera Ariff, 24, an account executive from KL.

She herself was once a victim of being slandered by her own friend, when they accused her of sleeping with a good friend who so happened to be a male.

Amiera categorised these types of “friends” as those who lack compassion and cannot see others beyond their own limited world-view.

In fact, Amiera’s remark was shared by Syahila Ahmad, 24, a housewife, who herself was a victim of similar slander by a good friend.

“There is no denying that a friend can be worst than an enemy; one of my friends actually uploaded  a very negative status in the online social network and sadly, even tagged me on it,” she said.

Syahila when met by Malaysian Digest opined that sometimes these types of friends play a part in igniting fire between other pair of good friends.

Speaking further on the subject, Syahila said, no matter how terrible their behaviour is, we still need to be patient, as well as be careful, with these friends.

Who is more Cruel? Friends or foe?

It is a common perception that one views enemies far worse than friends. It is a given. All the same, the dark side of a foe is more visible than the ones of a friend who is right next to you.

To summarise, you need to be very careful with what you are sharing with your friends. If you think that you know your friend’s background well, it does not guarantee good behaviour, especially faithfulness on their side.

When it comes to question about friendship, we need to once in a while, take a trip back an look at classic literature like Hikayat Hang Tuah which questions the protagonists outlook on friendship, when he had to confront his own good friend, Hang Jebat, said to have betrayed theIllustration Pic OnlyIllustration Pic Only Sultan.

The Hang Tuah film was made with the great late Tan Sri. P. Ramlee which concentrated the fantastic adventures and feats of Hang Tuah, while few years later, the same epic was filmed with a different point of view wherence the protagonist is Hang Jebat, Tuah’s friend, played by Allahyaram Nordin Ahmad that actually propounded the issue of friendship against loyalty to the Sultan.

Facing friendship and foe in the future.

Coming back to our present day, Professor Dr. Muhaya, a motivational expert, noted that if we were to be involved with those with negative aura, we tend to inherit the negative attributes ourselves.

At the end of the day, enemies come on their own in whatever form they wish to exploit and take advantage of your kindness. Forging a good friendship requires you to depend on your own diligence in choosing the right person who can be there for you as your buddy for life.

 

 

--mD